Monkey Man's Birthday!

Today was Matt's birthday and we had such a great time being together as a family! We are so grateful for him and all the hard he puts into being our father, husband and best friend! Matt is a crazy one and doesn't eat birthday cake so instead I baked him a meat loaf cake. I must say that was quite creative! He loved it. Boy do I know my husband well. He and I got a little time away from the kids and went to see "Taken." It was an awesome flick! On the way home we got pulled over because I rolled through a stop sign but I was able get off with a warning! Thank goodness for small blessings, that would have put quite a damper on Matt's birthday especially because he is so worried about money all of the time. I love him for that...most of the time. Well Matt, this one's for you, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

What a day!

Today was such a crazy day! It started early with a doctor's appointment for Claire and just went full force from there. I was productive today which is more than I can say for the last few days. I was even able to bake today! I am missing my friends in Utah today. I have a few great friends here but I miss having so many people around for support. I would like to make another trip back home but it is too soon and we have noooo money!

HOT!

Well, it is definately going to be a very hot summer. I hope that we can handle it. Today we stayed inside quite a bit because of the heat but I finally gave in and let the kids get in the pool. Our shade was ripped to pieces by the wind and I will tell you what, AZ sun can fry a girl in less than half an hour. It was a good day but hard this evening. I am still getting so emotional over the smallest things. I think my soul is just a little sore right now but I am getting better. It's still hard to see new babies because I feel so strongly that we are supposed to be having another one right now. There have been three other times I have felt like this and we have the children as a result. I guess all in good time. I am just tired of being tired. I am also just tired of crying! I think I need to call my shrink before I dehydrate.

A Better Day...

Today was a bit better than the last few. This morning was hard but I was able to get past it. I went walking with a friend and then we spent the afternoon in the backyard with the kids while they swam. I am fried tonight. I was trying to get rid of my farmers tan but I overdid it! It was what I needed though. I have been sort of avoiding social interaction because I have been so sad but having Amelia over helped so much. We laughed and sprayed the kids and just got totally soaked. Amelia is great for me because we give each other such a hard time and have so much fun. So today was a bit better and I hope they continue to get better from here.

Summer is here!

Yesterday it officially became HOT in AZ! It's not nearly as hot as it's going to be but it is going to be in the triple digits this week. Our canopy was destroyed by the wind and so we have no shade outside. I guess it's pool or nothin'! We are cleaning the pool this morning so that we can have a wonderfully wet afternoon.

Still Sad

Is it possible to miss something that never was? I have had the hardest time just moving on with things after this second miscarriage. What is wrong with me? I just don't understand why I can't stop thinking about those babies. We are going to wait for a while before we try again but it's all good.

"An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."

Subsitute Baby

The last two months have been some of the most trying months I think anyone could go through. We have been so excited to welcome a new baby into our family but neither one of them made it past 6 weeks gestation. I don't know why this has happened or what the Lord has in store for us but we are taking a break from trying to add another person to this family. Instead we added Gidget, our baby yorkie. She is so beautiful and hasn't left my side all day. A good friend of mine in the ward gave her to me and I don't think she knows what a miracle it was to me. There is no way we could afford to buy a yorkie and I have wanted one for some time now. She is the perfect thing to ease our pain right now. It has been a wonderful distraction for the kids too because Claire and Ivan are dissapointed about the babies too.

Nora's Birthday Party

Nora's 2!

Here is Nora opening her presents the night before her birthday!

So Done...

Last night I started having some brown spotting and so I prepared myself for a miscarriage. I called the Doctor on call and they told me to go into the Dr. today and see what was happening. I went in and they determined that the blood was coming from my cervix and not my uterus. They told me that they were hopeful that everything was okay. I came home tonight and we celebrated Nora's 2nd birthday with some friends. After all of our friends left I went to the bathroom and found that I was miscarrying. This is the second miscarriage in 2 months and I just can't do it anymore. We will not be trying again anytime soon. For now it's on to testing to find out why this is happening. Even if we find out, I am too scared and upset to try again anytime soon. I don't know nhow much more we can take. I know that the Lord doesn't give you any trials that you can't handle but I am starting to think that he has way too much faith in our abilities. I just want to go to sleep and stay asleep until I feel like I can handle things again. This is just so horrible no matter how many times you go through it. I know that it happens for a reason. There is something wrong with the baby blah blah blah...I don't care if there is something wrong, I will take the baby and I will love it! Whatever child the Lord wants to send to us I will love and adore but apparently it is not meant to happen. I'm just so angry.

Waiting and Worrying

Last night I started having a few problems with the pregnancy. So far I am still pregnant but we are not sure it's going to stay that way. We are just waiting and of course worrying. Hopefully everything will be fine but it's hard not to freak out given last months miscarriage. If we lose this one, I think that will be it for us. We will just enjoy the three we have and go on with life.

HUGE CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I wanted to send a huge shout out to my friend Amelia who is finishing her student teaching today and is officially graduated! She is now a certified teacher! Although I will miss watching her kids I am so glad that she is done so that we can hang out! We love you Mil's!

Perhaps Not...

So I know I said when I grew up I wanted to be like my cat...Well after what she did today, NO WAY! We have a plethera of pigeons here in AZ. They line the house tops now that it is warm and they are ugly as sin. They are huge! Don't ask me how she killed one but she did and Ivan found her in the living room corner with it. I promptly took it from her and put it outside...she was pissed. Cats are gross.

When I grow up...

I have decided when I grow up I want to be a cat. This is my cat Chloe. She sleeps wherever and whenever she wants. She leaves the house at all hours of the night through the dog door and doesn't have to tell anyone where she is going or where she has been. When she wants attention she seeks it, when she want to be alone no one cares! Her biggest fear in life is Ivan. Yes, I am pretty sure that I want to be like Chloe. We already have the Ivan thing in common :)

Easter Outfits

I took pictures of the kids this morning but some of them turned out fuzzy due to lack of flash. I am so bummed. They are cute anyway, I am going to see if I can fix them. here they are:

Our Easter Egg Hunt!

This year my neighbor and very good friend Tina and I did and Easter Egg Hunt with all of our kids. It made for an interesting time! There were 8 kids and most of them are 6 and under! We hid 84 candy filled eggs and dyed 2 dozen eggs. Dying the eggs was one big anxiety attack for me and it didn't help that Nora began drinking the dye. All in all it was a great time and the kids had a blast. We ended up having the hunt in my backyard because our park was flooded. I suggested that they dive for eggs but that idea was shot down. Here are the pictures from our day:

Early Birthday Present for Nora

Nora got a new baby stroller from my mom and dad for her birthday! Now maybe we can give the neighbors back the one she stole from them!

Huge Owie!

Nora likes to fight with clothes. She puts on whatever she can however she can and most of the time her head ends up in the arm hole or shorts end up on her head. well, today she was fighting with a dress. She came to me saying "help" and so I grabbed the dress to help her put her arms in. She screamed at me and pulled away as hard as she could and I lost hold of the dress. She went straight into a door jam. I felt so bad, she got a huge owie on her forehead! From now on she has to fight her clothing battles alone.

Birthday Cake

To finish the day yesterday, we had cake and Ice Cream at the park with some of our great friends here in AZ. There are 3 people here that have made life a lot easier, Tina, Amelia and Annmarie. I don't know what I would do with myself without them. I get to watch Amelia's kids a couple of days a week (until next week :( and I watch some of Tina's kids after school. It's been nice to depend on one another. It was a good birthday and I am thankful I had friends to share it with. As you can tell Matt was a little too stressed about work to do much celebrating.

Birthday with the Kids

Today started out in a very bad way. I couldn't stop crying and things were very bad for my husband at work. I decided however that I was not going to let this birthday suck so I packed the kids in the car and we went to see a movie. We saw Monsters vs. Aliens. The kids loved it and we had a blast. I have really enjoyed spending time alone with them lately. Right now they are out in the pool because it is 78 degrees outside. Here are some pictures of our day at the movies:

Another day older, not much wiser...

Well, today I turn the big 29! I don't feel much older but yesterday I got a rude awakening. Apparently there is a group of women in my ward that are all 30 something and call them the old ladies group. They get together for lunch and I got an invite...
Don't get me wrong, that was very nice that they invited me but it is sad that I look much older than I am. I guess I need to do a little something with myself so that I look my age. So far it has been a hard day due to Matt's employment but it will all work out somehow I guess. I just hope he keeps his sanity in the meantime, one of us needs to. We were going to have cake and Ice cream tonight with some friends but I don't think that he is up to it and so I am going to celebrate the day with my three beautiful children. It's just us today, no extra kids and so I am going to take them to do something fun. We want to see the new Hannah Montana movie but it doesn't come out until tomorrow so we will have to think of something else. Maybe the Phoenix zoo. I refuse to let this day suck because of a corporation. I am thankful on this day for what I have. My wonderful husband that takes a beating daily at work and still goes back for more. I am thankful for my beautiful children that have taught me unconditional love and patience. I am thankful for many things.

All is well so far!

Well, I went to the OB today per their request. I was just calling to scedule an 8 week appointment but because of the miscarriage last month they wanted me in as soon as possible. I went to a new OB and really liked her. They checked all of my hormone levels to make sure that everything was where it should be. I'll get the results tomorrow. They want me back in three weeks for an ultrasound and said by then we should be able to see the heartbeat! I hope all continues to go well.

So Tired!

I don't know what it is about our children but all of them feel that they have the right to sleep in our room. We bought a house far from Matt's work so that we could have four bedrooms when in reality all we needed was one! I am so tired and on top of that Nora has taken to sleeping in our bed, a habit that we will have to break very soon because apparently 2 am is a good playtime for her. This morning I slept in while the kids were watching a movie thinking I could because the daycare kids weren't coming. I got out of bed at 9:10am prepared to clean up the house and realized that Claire was late for school! Mother of the year, right here!

If at first you don't succeed...

Well, here we go again. We are pregnant. I am very excited but I am more terrified at this point. I am trying not to dwell on what happened last time but it's hard not to be a little haunted by it. So here we go again and we will hope for the best.

Tonight I was talking to Ivan and Matt and I started laughing so hard. I tell you what, there are days that I would love to be inside his head. We were talking about who our kids look like. Ivan looks a lot like my brother Adam and so I said to Ivan "do you know who you look like?" he immediately said "Ivan." he was so matter of fact about it. We laughed so hard because the way he said it made us sound

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sILnTjYlNxc

Watch this, it is hilarious! Even me, a die-hard Twilight fan thought this was great
you'll have to copy and paste because I cannot figure out how to get the link to show up.

Easy to Please...

Today my kids have proved very easy to please. Claire has been asking for pancakes with whipped cream for a week now. It was supposed to be breakfast tomorrow but she just couldn't wait any longer. So for dinner tonight we had nametag pancakes as we call them. Here they are:

Dancing Fools!

All of my kids have loved to dance. It came to our attention very early on that Nora loved it and has great rythm. Here we are at home listening to our new ABBA album courtesy of Aunt Noelle. Nora broke it down as soon as the music started!

I love being home with them so that I can catch these moments. Being a stay at home mom has been challenging for me because I am not the most patient person. Having all of my children so close together has been a blessing and a curse. They fight all of the time but I know that they will be very close as they grow older. Yesterday Ivan told me that I was the best mom and that I was his best friend all because I bought him bubbles! I asked Claire the other night if I was a mean mom or if she thought I was okay. She said "I think you do a great job mom!" It meant a lot to me. I have awesome kids!