Back and Forth

Today it was back to babysitting for me. It has been good because it has gotten my mind off of what has happened but this afternoon has been slow and I am a little blue. I am not worrying about trying to conceive again because with the last miscarriage we got pregnant the next month. I just wish that we didn't have to wait for a little bit. I go back and forth with being okay about all of this when the truth is it just sucks. I miss knowing that there was a little someone forming inside of me. I miss knowing that there was someone else ready to join our family. It makes me sad. Hopefully before too long there will be another little someone forming inside of me. Even though I was very early on with both of my miscarriages it is still a loss and you still mourn for those babies that would have been. I can't imagine what others who lose their children later on in pregnancy must go through

No Fun...Miscarriage Continued.

We got home from Mercy Gilbert Hospital at about 7:30am yesterday, just in time for Matt to go to work. I was so tired and confused. The PA that saw me told us that I was never pregnant and that it was just two false positives with the home pregnancy tests. The actual Dr. that I saw said that he thought I was pregnant at some time but he didn't know when. All I knew was that I was way tired and sad. Nora went down for a nap and I went to sleep on the couch. The kids of course ran a muck in the house. I woke up at noon and I was bleeding incredibly bad and dizzy. I was told to follow up with my OB and so I called them. They told me that I needed to go back to the hospital immediately but to a different hospital. So my neighbor took my kids and Matt left work and we met at Banner Gateway Hospital where my OB has privileges.



We arrived at the hospital at 1:30pm and didn't leave until 8:30pm. They had to clean me out, give me fluids and figure out what in the heck had happened. After 7 hours in the ER they got hold of the OB on call for my doctor and he said that there was no question that I was miscarrying and that because it was so early on my hormone levels were no longer elevated. They had probably been going down for several days which would explain the cramping that began about 4 days ago. I was just glad to hear that I wasn't crazy and that the home pregnancy tests were right and that everything was okay. This is my second miscarriage and so it's not as hard as the last one. We are still disappointed but we will try again soon.



Sick Mom



Disappointed Dad

Miscarriage

well, baby number four was apparently not ready to join our family. last night I started spotting. I called the doctor and he said if it continued to go to the ER. At 4am this morning I woke up with a lot of bleeding and cramping. We went to the hospital and the baby is gone. I was so early on that there was nothing really to see in my uterus. This isn't the first time I have miscarried and so it's not quite as big of a shock but it still sucks a lot. The kids are disappointed but that's life. I'm just mad tha my husband couldn't take the day off.

Today's a blaaah day

Not sure why today is a blah day but it is. It's probably because I am tired and the weather is gray and cloudy. Speaking of gray, Grey's anatomy is a re-run and that makes me sad too. I am looking forward to a visit from a friend of mine from elementary school. She comes on Sunday. It's always nice to have visitors so that we don't feel so alone out here. I've been wanting Matt to stay home from work so badly. Of course he can't but I just want him around. I'm sure he doesn't want to be around because I have been such a grump. It just feels like the days are getting longer and longer!!! We'll just have to do something extra fun today.

Mind at Ease

So I have been cramping today and I have been worried about it. This is funny because I do this with every pregnancy and I still freak out because I miscarried the first baby we conceived. I have been doing tons of reading online and it says that the kind of cramping I am having is normal when the baby is implanting and I am right at the 5 week mark when that would be happening. So I am more at ease. I need to find an OBGYN so that I can get in at my 8 week mark. I just wish I could have my first OB Dr.Bryner, he was so awesome. At least I will sleep easy tonight.

Watch Out!

This picture says it all...I am armed with hormones and ready to strike. I don't remember being this bad with the last two. I was horrible with Claire, I was so mean to everyone. I was probably that way with the others too (If you say anything be careful, I'll find you!). Today I got mad at my kids for turning on the hose to get a drink. They got all wet but it's in the 80's here! What the heck???? Is it just that I am tired of the laundry or that I am tired of having them get into things instead of just quietly playing??? I also got mad at my husband because the doctors office was making him wait so long, I smacked the cat for pawing on my stomach and screamed at my kids last night for asking for lemonade when I didn't feel good. I don't know what my problem is, I just feel like ripping something apart! I'm mother of the year, let me tell you. I have been cramping too and I hate that. I do that with every pregnancy but I am always scared that I will miscarry. We will just have to wait and see.

Can't Stop Crying

Oh my gosh, today is such a sucky day! I have been more hormonal with this baby than I was with the last two and I hate it. I was watching the bachelor last night and I got so mad that I was swearing at the TV and then just wanted to cry. Give me a break! Today I was listening to some music and I just started thinking of my friend Mandy at home and all I can do is cry. I am going home to visit and I almost don't want to. I am so afraid of having to come back here. I like it here but we were so happy in Tooele. I love all of my friends and can't wait to see them but it's going to be so hard to say goodbye again, especially to Mandy (no offense to anyone else, it will be hard for everyone). Mandy and I have been through so much and I just miss having her show up at my door with Arby's sandwiches. I miss staying up late with her and laughing at things that everyone else thinks are stupid. I miss that she is the one person that knows how dorky I am but loves me for it anyway. I just miss everyone and especially her. I am making friends here and I know in the end I will feel like that about them but Mandy and I were a team for 4 years through such good times and such bad times. I wish I could rewind things and just stay in Tooele. I know we're supposed to be here and I have met some of the most incredible people but my heart breaks for home.