New Additions!

The past two days have been exciting for our family! Last night Claire and I drove up to Kaysville and brought home our new dog! We were so excited! We adopted a small Yorkie and she is extremely sweet. She is a papered purebred, her AKC registered name is
Ms. Libby Lou Sassy Pants! I love it! She is definitely sassy and thinks she is in charge around here. Lol. It was so fun taking Claire. She gets to do a lot of things with me now that she is getting older and I love spending the time with her. Ivan trails along with Matt everywhere he can and Nora and Naomi and I have our time together while the older ones are at school. Now that life is slowing down it is fun to have our playtime together. Matt is feeling much better. He is still on oxygen but we are hoping that he may be able to get off of it soon. His diabetes is well controlled right now and we are able to get some good exercise time together walking with Libby and the kids. My in-laws are moving to Idaho and instead of selling this house they are letting us stay here and rent from them. It is such a blessing for us. Matt is enjoying his job and is very good at what he does! Life has been kind to us lately. Today I got my early birthday present, an iPad! I love it! Isn't tax time wonderful? I am very grateful for all that we have been blessed with. We are starting to feel like a functional family again!

Today Is A Hard Day

Today is a struggle. Today is full of anxiety for me. We are staying with my best friend and her family and I am so grateful to them for letting us stay there. We are working on finding a place of our own but I must say it seems a bit hopeless. Today I feel like I am ready to be done with everything, done with the fight. I look at my kids and even though they are happier at Mandy's than they have been since we moved here, I feel a great sense of failure. Matt is working so hard to support us and I know I am where I should be with the kids but I cannot fix this and it's breaking my heart. Every trial that we faced in Arizona knocked me down and in the words of a very wise friend of mine, "I just kept getting up" but I'm not sure I can get up anymore. I'm so tired. Leaving matt's dad's house was a very hard thing. We were not kicked out but the circumstances seemed to push us out. I am trying so hard just to put it all in the Lord's hands but the ache in my heart won't stop. Every time I look at my kids my heart aches because I cannot even put a roof over their head. I do not understand what we are supposed to learn from all of this. I'm just so tired.

Every Quiet Moment

It has been a very long time since I have updated this blog. There really was not a lot going on for our family, we are very blessed. We had a very nice break from our trials after Christmas. We have hit a very rough spot right now but even still I feel a certain amount of calm. We have left where we were living for various reasons and are now homeless. Just to clear up any misconceptions we were not kicked out or forced to leave but due to circumstances we could no longer keep our children in that environment. I am extremely grateful for all of the help my father in law has seen fit to give us. We are now sleeping on the couches at a best friends house and trying to figure out what our next move is. I have cried for days because I feel like such a failure to my children. We have gladly opened our doors to others before but I must say I never expected to be on this end of things. It is a very difficult place to be. So I pray. In every quiet moment of every day I plead with Heavenly Father that we will be lead to what is right for us. This is quite a change from one year ago. When we came back from Arizona I had a very hard time and was very angry with God for our circumstances. Now he seems to be the only one that has any answers and I pray for those answers constantly. We have a plan and I know with Gods help we will find our place in this world.

Too long

It's been a very long time since I have posted and I have missed it! We have had so much going on I don't even know where to start but the bottom line is that lately we have been doing well. We are still dealing with health issues but it has slowed down so much and we have had time to breathe. Things seemed to turn around after Christmas, what a wonderful present for our little family. Claire has started activity days with our ward and loves it! Ivan is doing very well in school and is reading like crazy! Nora has turned back into her happy little self that we have missed since the move home. Even her preschool teacher has commented on it, she says her eyes look brighter. We have prayed so hard for this! We have been really worried about her. Naomi is talking up a storm and is quite happy with herself a of the time. Matt has a biopsy next week but other than that he has been doing well. His oxygen levels are good even without the oxygen and we are hoping that they will take him off of it soon. I have been fighting with my fibromyalgia but am doing well. I am so grateful to have this downtime with my family. I am so thankful for this time.

Biopsy Fiasco

Today was a very trying day. I did not sleep much last night in anticipation of today's biopsy so this morning I was very tired and scared. We ran a few errands this morning and then dropped Nora and Naomi at a friends house and headed off to the doctor. They took us back to a room and dressed me in a very stylish paper smock and left us there so I could get nice and cold. They moved us to a procedure room and got ready to do the biopsy. The ultrasound tech started looking for the lump and could not find it. They tried for less than 5 minutes and told me that they would have to reschedule me in radiology at the hospital another day. I just started to cry. I told the surgeon that I wanted him to try to get me in today and although he wasn't happy about it he made the call. Radiology agreed and so off we went to the hospital where they found the lump almost immediately. They checked the other armpit and SURPRISE there were two more lumps there that looked suspicious. The biggest lump or lymph node in the left armpit had blood vessels surrounding it and so the radiologist did not want to biopsy it. He was afraid to nick a vessel. Not to mention his shift was over and he wanted to go home. He was not any nicer today than he was a week ago. We "debated" over his plan of action which was send me home and deal with it next week. I fought back. After an hour and 4 different calls to the surgeon they got him over there to do the biopsy's. So finally 4 hours after my scheduled appointment the biopsy's were done. The radiologist just kept saying if it's cancer, a week won't make a difference. I was beyond myself and could not stop crying. It wasn't until I told him I felt like I was being given the run around and I had no say in my own care and it was my body that he pulled his head out. I couldn't believe I was having to fight for a procedure that was already scheduled! I won't lie, it hurt and I sang hymns in my mind the whole time to distract myself. Now we will wait until next Thursday or Friday for the results. Needless to say they made a bad situation worse and I will be finding another surgeon. I am home now and pretty sore but glad to have it over.

Claire's 8th birthday: pause music player before opening slide show

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Claire's Baptizm: pause player before viewing smilebox

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