Twinge of Pain

As we made our poster for family home evening tonight that contained all the pictures of our family, there was a twinge of pain in my heart as I pasted the pictures of me, my husband and my kids on the poster. There is someone missing. There are three someone's missing. I know that the babies that I have lost were not meant to be here but it is so hard for me to feel like there is someone missing in this family. What is so hard for me is that people keep telling me that I have my hands full and it is so good that we aren't having another one right now. I know that there is one waiting and I know that it is time. I don't know how and I don't know when but it is so hard to feel that spirit near and not be able to hold it in my heart or my body. It's not just being baby hungry, I feel another spirit here in our home that needs to come into the world. I know I have my hands full. I know that things are so hard right now. I know all of this. I still ache for my child that is waiting.