Where everybody Knows Your Name

Today has been a good day. I have done most of the diciplining on my own and the kids and I seem to be in a better place. Matt has been in a better mood the past few days which Is good and bad. It's good because we have been able to spend some enjoyable time with him but I really needed vicki to see what I have been seeing for the last nine months. I feel very sad that she is leaving tomorrow, especially because I thought her stay was going to be much longer. I needed it to be. Ever since I found out this afternoon that she was going to leave tomorrow, I have been in tears. I have met amazing people here whom I now consider some of my best friends but I still miss Being in tooele with our family. I am not happy here and I don't know what to do to fix that. Every now and then I am painfully reminded of the things we have lost in the last year, mainly the babies. I know we have gained so much by moving here but it's hard to focus on that when there is so much hurt inside. I would really like to go to counseling, just so that I have someone to talk to about all of this but the co-pays are a lot to try to keep up with. I did find out today that we qualify for state insurance on top of the insurance that we currently have and so that would pick up the co-pays. I think there is just so much that has happened in the last year that I am just stuck. I can't seem to make ends meet and I just can't stop the aching inside. I want so much to jump in the car and go back home with my mother in law. We have had a lot going on with Claire too. I have been seeing a psychologist regarding her. The psychologist is for her but she wants to meet with me first to get an idea of what the situation is. For now I cannot talk about what's going on but hopefully things will be much better soon. I just want the ache inside to go away.