Mixed Feelings

Today I was determined to start packing the house so that we could move. I did start cleaning things out and throwing things away but I just kept thinking about all the negative aspects to moving back to Utah. It was so weird. I would stop myself and say "but I want to go back." I don't know if it is just my fears, or the Lord trying to let me know that we are still supposed to be here. I just see a long future for us here even though it seems impossible. I just want to make more friends here. I am so thankful for the activities committee. It forces me to get out and meet people. I met the nicest girl at the last activity who is a dula and I think we are going to have her help us with this birth. I would like to try it natural if I can. I just need someone to help me through it. Matt is wonderful but he has no idea what to do when I am in labor. Right now with everything seeming so bleak, the one thing I have to hold onto is the birth of this child. I pray that everything will go well and he/she can join our family. We have decided on names. If it is a boy we are most likely going to name it Owen Matthew and if it's a girl it is Naomi. We don't have a middle name picked out for a girl yet but all in good time. So far things are going well. I am way sick and that is a good sign. I am way tired and that is good and bad. I see the doctor in 2 weeks and believe it or not I will be done with my first trimester. :)