When Counting your Blessings Just Isn't Enough

I have found that there are a million and one people who are willing and ready to tell you to be thankful for what you have without even listening to why you aren't counting your blessings. I will say that counting your blessings does help but it doesn't erase the emptiness or heartache that comes once and while for no reason whatsoever. How easy it seems just to give up all that is around you and go back to the way things were. Why is it that we don't know what we had until it's gone? How stupid we can be. I guess my internal beat is just off lately.

I Just Don't Want To!

So today I have to meet with a lawyer for some stuff that Matt and I are working on, and I just don't want to! (No we are not getting divorced, that's the first thing people ask when I say that). I am so anxious about this stupid appointment. I wish I could just go now and get the whole thing over with. I wish Matt could take off some time to go with me. The stupid thing is, I am only anxious because I am going alone and I have never been to a lawyer before. Everyone says how much they suck and I am just not up to meeting with sucky people right now! I also have started having horrible nightmares, yet another fun part of being pregnant and so I am not sleeping well. I will just be very glad when this morning is over with!

Rant

Well, I am officially just worn out. My body is on strike. We have spent a lot of the time today at the park so that my kids will entertain themselves. I am so glad that it is Friday and Matt will be home for the weekend. I am also so glad that my neighbor brought us pizza for no reason at all, it was much needed! Can I just say that I love my kids but I really need a break. I NEED A BREAK! Here's hoping for a good weekend.

Homesickness

One's home is like a delicious piece of pie you order in a restaurant on a country road one cozy evening - the best piece of pie you have ever eaten in your life - and can never find again. After you leave home, you may find yourself feeling homesick, even if you have a new home that has nicer wallpaper and a more efficient dishwasher than the home in which you grew up. ~Lemony Snicket

It's a...

Free Baby Shower Games

Today was the big ultrasound! Matt was not able to go but I was able to take one of my best friend Ameliea with me. I must say I am so excited to be having another girl! Poor Ivan was mad and Matt is a little disappointed but I can't handle another boy, they are way too hard! They are going to repeat the ultrasound in 4 weeks so that they can get a better picture of the heart, they weren't able to see all 4 chambers because she was moving so much. It probably had something to do with the 40 oz of vitamin water and candy bar I had before the ultrasound. I wanted to make sure that girl opened her legs!

Homesick but Excited...

I am very homesick today. What I wouldn't give for an extended trip back to Utah to see my friends. I am having a hard time feeling like I fit in here. I think the hardest part about today is that I know I am going to my 20 week ultrasound tomorrow. This is the big one and it's the first one that Matt is not going to be able to attend. One of my most awesome friends Amelia is going with me which will make it so much better. I just miss being back in Utah where I had a zillion friends to share this with. I am very thankful for the 2 very close friends I have here. I hope I Can sleep tonight, it's like Christmas. I will be so happy to see my little Naomi/Owen tomorrow.

A Goal

They say a goal not written down is a goal that is sure to fail so I am telling all of you about the goal I have starting today to have scripture study every night. Matt is going to read them with me although he already does his personal scripture study and we read with the kids. I am just horrible at my own personal scripture study and I know if left to do it on my own it won't get done. So thank goodness he is willing to help me out. We have been praying for so many miracles and blessings lately and I realized that I am not doing everything that I can to be worthy of those blessings. I do not say my personal prayers at night or read my scriptures and I think because of that I have been missing out on a lot of comfort and blessings. So tonight we started and I will post my progress so that I am accountable to myself, the Lord and anyone else who might read this little blog of mine.

Dollars and Sense...

Day one of feeling better! Today we actually did more than sleep and feel crappy all day! The kids are very cooped up so tonight I took them out for a dollar hamburger and a long drive in the car. I needed out as well. It's amazing how crazy a person can feel when they are stuck inside all day. We drove all around and looked for "dinosaurs" in the fields by our houses and found a wicked curve to drive around over and over. I am so glad that my children are easily amused. It has been such a long week and such a crappy way to spend that week (with the flu). I am glad that kids are on the mend because school starts again on Monday and I need for them to go! Now that we have been out and about and part of the real world for a couple of hours, we can have a nice night here at home and not feel like we are crawling the walls. Last night Matt was able to feel the baby move for the first time! It was great to have him feel it as well, it makes it more real. Our little one was on the move a lot last night. I can't wait until Wednesday when we find out whether it is a boy or a girl!

Facing Adversity...

7 days and counting with the flu in our house. This has been the longest 7 days of my life! Last night I was flooded with memories of being basically confined to bed after a tumor had been removed from my brain and my body was weakened by disease. Not a fun time but today I was able to put on clothes! It is so hard to be confined to a house and feel totally cut off from the outside world. I have learned this week that I take a lot for granted, like the ability to shower, the ability to make dinner for my family and above all the ability to stand upright. Our only HD tv went out last Saturday and as we do not have cable or any converter boxes we are stuck with no TV, only movies. I never realized that commercials could be a beneficial thing! I used to hate them but now I am wishing I could watch them, or the news, or anything relating to the outside world! This morning I took my band of invalids down to the park for some fresh air. They seemed to be feeling a little better and despite my lack of energy I knew they needed OUT! It was a very pathetic outing indeed. We were there about 20 minutes and most of the time was spent laying on the grass or in the sand and crying. No one felt well enough but the walls are closing in around us. I am wishing so much right now that Matt would come home and tell me all the exciting things that happened in the shipping world today, I am just that desperate for news from the outside world. I am also wishing that we had money to buy pizza because I cannot stand long enough to prepare a meal. This is the first time I have been pregnant with the flu. IT IS HORRIBLE. Two things that are going to be done when we are better, #1 get flu shots #2 save up $40 for a converter box so I can watch all of the commercials during Grey's Anatomy.

So tired of sleeping!

Sleep, sleep and more sleep. So tired of sleeping...I never thought I would say that. I can't believe my Ivan is still alive seeing as he has been entertaining himself all day. I have been able to get up to get meals prepared for the kids but other than that we have been down watching movies and sleeping. I don't know how Ivan avoided getting as sick as the rest of us but he's done the best so far. Matt had his flu shot at work and so far has not gotten sick. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't. I am starting to feel a little bit better but poor Nora is still miserable. Claire has been sleeping a lot too and for those of you that know Claire well, she never does this! I am glad that I have been able to be home alone with the kids today and that Matt didn't have to miss another day of work but let me tell you, it is so much nicer to have him home when I am sick. There is definately something to be said for living near family. Hopefully someday in the not too distant future we can live near them again.

Oh my...what a very, very hard and sucky week. Claire came home on her last day of school (before the break)early with a fever. Little did I know it was the flu and was going to go through everyone in the family except for Matt. He's the only one who has had a flu shot. This has been most aweful! Claire and Nora both landed in the ER because I could not keep them hydrated or keep their fever's under control. Matt had to come home early from work yesterday to take care of everyone because I was stuck in my bed. He was pissed too. He's just so stressed and we just seem to make it worst. I hate being a burden to him. I wish I was a stronger and more capable person. I am going to have to be because my husband just can't handle the stress anymore. I am just going to have to put on a happy face and make things fine becauseI can't afford to lose him.

Today Nora and I went to the OB for my 16 week appointment. I am 16 weeks and 4 days and the baby's heartbeat was a strong 153 beats per minute. I go back in 2 weeks for an ultrasound and then we will know if we have an Owen or a Naomi. I am so relieved that everything is going well.

movin' along!

I am now 16 weeks and 3 days pregnant! I am so excited that this one is sticking. I have been worried because I have not felt the baby move for a little while but last night while I was laying in bed he/she let me know it was there. Such a reassuring feeling. I can't wait for my ultrasound in a few weeks. I have slumped back into the tired phase. For a week or so there, I had a lot of energy and was getting a lot done but now we are back to the sit on my butt stage and do only the necessary things. Just dragging like crazy. My last OB was right, the closer you are to 30, the harder your pregnancies get. Well, we are off to the park where we spend the majority of our mornings and evenings now because it is finally starting to cool down here! I love Arizona winters!