There is something in the air today that feels like spring. I cannot tell if it is the smell or the sounds or just the change in light but it makes me want to leave all of this behind and go somewhere. Just to be able to go, to leave and see where the road takes us would be such a delight. Just to disregard the rules that we live by, you know, the ones that say we have to go to work or school, or that we have to only eat cereal for breakfast and not for dinner. Some unpredictability would be nice on a day like today. I started the morning feeling warn down and tired. Ivan was not feeling well and the thought of spending the day at home seemed nice. I shifted gears as the need to leave the house for a few essentials became obvious and it was nice to visit with those that I was with. I have had a wide range of emotions today. A very good friend of mine, one of my best friends is facing the death of a family member and my heart has ached for her all day. My parents are leaving on Monday for a mission and although I am excited for them to be heading to Nauvoo to preach the gospel, a part of me is very sad that I will not be there to see them off. Naomi will be 2 years old when they return and the thought of that makes me sad. I supposed it's because I haven't seen them for quite some time. These are the reasons for the mixed emotions today. I have treated myself to a day in my scrubs which has been wonderful. I am anxious for the weekend to start. I am ready to spend a few days with Matt. He is so tired and I can't wait to just hang out and watch movies and be together. The water pills that we have been relying on to take away the swelling in Matt's arms and ankles have stopped working. The surgeon has said that she wants an MRI of his pituitary gland with and without contrast, a standard MRI of his brain and an MRI of his cerebral cervical spine. Two weeks ago they said they would schedule it and let us know when they were...we have yet to hear from them. In the meantime he has been told by the doctor not to drink anything so that he does not retain anymore water. Their answer is for him to chew ice all day. I wonder, are they willing to pay the dentist bill for that? lol. I am disappointed in their lack of action. A friend of mine suggested that we go sit in her office waiting room and let the other patients see him so they know what kind of care they will receive if they choose this particular office and I laughed! Wouldn't that be wonderful just to camp in the office until they could no longer refuse to find the answer to his latest symptoms! I think she is on to something. I am looking at the prospect of finding a part time job. In all honesty it is the last thing I want to do. My hands are completely full and my sanity is completely unsteady but I wonder if it wouldn't take some of the pressure off of Matt if he wasn't trying to support us single handedly while being as sick as he has been. I am very anxious about leaving my children with someone and Matt does not have the energy to take care of them in my absence and so I will make sure that this is the right course of action before I rush into anything. As for today, does disregarding the rules and being a little crazy sound great to anyone else???
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