More of the Same

Today is a hard day for me. I have been so tired (as usual) and so it has been a lazy day and I feel so guilty for it. Being a "stay at home mom" in
someone else's home is really a challenging thing. I do my best to keep busy cleaning and taking care of the kids but there is only so much I can do. It is especially hard on the lazy days because I feel judged. I'm sure it is just my imagination and a large part of it probably comes from the fact that I feel very guilty on said lazy days.

Friday has become a hard day for me. The State of Utah recently changed from a 4 day work week to a 5 day work week and although Matt still works four 10 hour shifts, his off day is Wednesday instead of Friday and it is the same day that my in-laws go to the temple all day. It was really nice to have the house to ourselves when Matt was home, we functioned like a normal family almost but now it is just me and the kids and it is lonely. I pray almost daily for the Lord to help us get into our own house. It is not that living with Matt's family is a bad thing, it's just hard. It is especially hard after living on our own for 10 years.

Matt has an appointment with the endocrinologist this next week and we are very happy about that. I though for sure it would take at least a month to get in and so when they told me they could get us in next week, I did a happy dance in my mind. We were not so lucky with the GI doc and the liver biopsy, those will be in October. He is doing well for now but the swelling in his legs has returned and so that excitement has disappated. It was a huge breakthrough for us to have that swelling gone. It is something we have watched and worried over for a year now. It has been the source of multiple trips to the ER and even a weekend stay in the hospital. You can imagine how happy we were when it went away and how disappointed we were when it returned. Hopefully the Endocrinologist will have some insight for us.

I think I am just generally out of place. I am not un-happy just un-settled. I have stopped trying to find a new normal for our family because everytime I do it turns upside down. For now we just take it a day at a time and hope that there are more good days than bad.