Somebody Sedate Me!

So one of my favorite episodes of Grey's Anatomy involves a scene with the character Christina Yang. She has just come out of surgery after losing a baby and she starts to cry. She is not a crier and so she screams to her hospital co-workers, "Somebody sedate me!"
I wish I could say I'm not a crier but I am, and I am completely on board with being sedated right now! I was ok with matt having surgery, I really was because he is in a lot of pain but now that it is less than 12 hours away I'm not so okay with it anymore. Thankfully my most awesome friend will be there to sit with me during the surgery. We have decided that since something has gone wrong with all of the other surgeries I should probably not be alone, on the off chance this one has complications too. What a pessimistic attitude you may think but come on people, I'm just keepin' it real. He has been doing better since they put him on oxygen but the last few days he has gone downhill a little. The jaundice is back on the top of his head which seems like such a strange place for it to be and he is a lot more sluggish than he has been. I have been trying to stay positive because apparently that's what people in this kind of situation are supposed to do. At least others tell me to remain positive. I say walk a week, heck a day in our shoes and see how positive you can be. Right now I am too damn scared to be positive. My life and this family just doesn't work without my husband, that's the only thing I am "positive" about. Whoa what an ornery post! Just telling the truth because I'm tired of hiding behind this chemical smile. I told you, somebody needs to sedate me!