I Lost A Friend

Tonight everything is good!  Everyone is home and healthy and happy.  Although everything is good and everyone is happy I am fighting a feeling I cannot quite describe.  It is not necessarily dread although that is the word that comes to mind to describe it.  It is almost a feeling of homesickness.  I am homesick for...where?  I don't know!  Maybe I'm just cooped up.  I have not had many nail clients lately and its changed things for me.  I knew that over the summer I wanted to decrease my hours but I thought I would be in charge of it.  I wasn't expecting things to just go dead.  It's like this every summer but I tend to forget and then I panic.  So my days are left to tasks I used to do and time I used to have but they have become so unfamiliar to me.  I feel out of place and out of sorts.  With this extra time comes a feeling of unrest.  I want to leave.  I want to pack my family in our little minivan and go to someplace other than here.  I don't know where it is that I am longing to go.  I think anywhere but here.  The beach?  The city?  I don't know but I know I don't want to be here.  I don't want to see the walls of my house.  I don't want to deal with the cleaning and the dishes and the nails. I just want something new.  I feel like this once and a while.  It's an unsettling feeling.  I've lost my sense of home.  There are days where we hunker down within these walls and just feel at home but I do not feel that lately.  Perhaps that is what I am lonely for, a sense of home.
I have been making changes in my life.  They are much needed changes but they are requiring me to re-evaluate myself and grow out of my comfort zone.  I ended a friendship that has been close to the  center of my world for 11 years.  I had to end it.  It was a negative and draining friendship in the end.
It didn't start that way.  I thought it was the best friendship I had ever had.  This person was my person.  I don't miss this person, I miss who this person was.  This person was the one person besides my husband that I called if ANYTHING went wrong and so now if something goes awry or something big happens I pause for a moment because I don't have my person to call.  So I want to leave and find a place that does not feel unfamiliar because of what I have had to let go.  The problem is that I can travel from place to place and it will not fix what I am feeling.  It must come from within.  I must become "my person".