Birthday Girl!

Claire Bear turns 6 years old tomorrow! I can hardly believe it. I told her all about the night she was born and she loved it. She is such a light in our lives. She is full of spunk and definately has her own way of doing things but our family would be lost without her. She is the perfect big sister. She helps out so much with her brother and sister. She helps mom with potty training and let's Ivan tag along everywhere she goes. We love you Claire!

All I Want For Christmas

My kids asked me today what I want for Christmas and they were so shocked when I told them that Mommy doesn't need anything for Christmas. The funny thing is, it's really true. Possessions seem so trivial now compared to buying food for my children and making sure they have warm clothes to wear during our "winter" here in Arizona. All I really want is to make sure that this Christmas is magical for our family. I found out today after being bounced around from one salvation army center to the other since October, that the office that services our area is no longer accepting applications for Christmas assistance. At first I was horrified and couldn't believe this was happening because I started this whole process in October but the reality of it is that it is happening and we will just have to find another way to provide our children with a few toys. The good thing is, our children have been raised thus far only receiving 3 gifts and a pair of PJ's at Christmas from mom,dad and Santa. They are not used to having a huge Christmas. A friend of ours gave us that idea when Claire was born. Christ received 3 gifts from the wise men and so that is what our children receive from us/Santa. Somehow even though I am worried about giving them gifts at Christmas, I have been recalling in my mind all of the stories I have heard over the years of families that have had incredible spiritual experiences and miracles at Christmas time and I have faith that we will be one of them. Well, more than faith I have hope but isn't that where faith starts? Fake it till' you make it huh?
All I really want for Christmas is to have my family together and together is what we are. We are safe and dry and warm, we have very little food but we still have food and what more could a mother ask for. The only gift that could be better than all of this is to hear the sound of my husband's laughter again. We have missed it so much this last year and having him back and feeling better would top of the holiday season and be miracle enough for me. I want so much to be able to lift his burden and help him be happy again. Someday his laughter will return, I have to believe that.
It's so funny how our needs change as we go through life. Although this has been the hardest year of our married lives, we have truly been humbled and I now realize the importance of what really counts and what really counts is Eternity with my husband and Children.

Angel's and Demon's Did NOT Deliver

I had such high hopes when I picked the movie at the red box. I had read Angel's and Demon's just a short while back and I was so excited to see the movie. I must say I was rather annoying to watch the movie with, just ask my husband. I was so disappointed that they left out MAJOR characters and plot lines. I kept pausing the movie to tell Matt what had happened in the book so that the movie would make more sense. I watched the special features to see if there was any explanation as to why they would change such a brilliant piece of literature. I was extremely disappointed to find out that Dan Brown was a producer of the film and allowed his book to be changed so completely. He was even the brain behind some of the changes. I know he is a brilliant writer but I must say a lost a little respect when he deviated from the original work so completely. If you have not seen this movie I would suggest reading the book first. If you must, watch the movie but know that you are missing out on an incredible book. Usually something like this would not make me so sad but the book was perfect from beginning to end. I also have a passionate connection to this and his later work The Divinci Code because the majority of my college education has been in Art and Art History. I am fascinated by the research that he has done on Divinci and Galileo. Also I have always been an avid reader and lover of good literature. I would love to have it in me to write something as brilliant as these pieces of work. Through reading these and other works and then seeing the movies, I have realized Hollywood's true limitations when pitted against a brilliant imagination.

Christmas begins at the Garff's

We put up our tree today in the 80 degree heat. It was a lot of fun because Matt was actually able to participate. He is usally gone. Of course he complained the whole time. I made him do the lights and let me tell you he did an awesome job, all the while saying "I hate this, I really hate this." He is a great sport. The kids and I made homemade ornaments this year because Ivan and Nora discovered just how well glass ornaments break against tile last year. I am excited for Christmas this year. Matt's family is coming down again and we can't wait to see them. It was a great and relaxing day with my husband and kids. I can't believe I am posting this pictures of me looking incredibly fat but it is what it is. I have to lose some pounds after this baby is born!

Thanksgiving with the Norman's and the Garff's

I have to admit I was not looking forward to this holiday at all. Yesterday I was in the worst mood and kept bursting into tears. I am still having a hard time being away from family at the holidays but today exceeded my expectations. We had a great day! This morning we slept in, well Matt and I slept in while Claire got cereal for the three kids. She's getting so big! After we got our lazy selves out of bed I began cooking for today's dinner. I went a little overboard. I think I was trying to keep my mind off of things and it worked! Half way through the day, Matt was telling me how excited he was to eat pumpkin pie. He is on an all protein diet and gets very few cheat days. I got the pie's out of the freezer and because I hadn't purchased them I didn't realize there wasn't a pumpkin pie in there. So I went to work and made my first homemade pumpkin pie's. I was so proud when they turned out! What's more, Matt loved them. We spent the day with some good friends that live two doors down and thank goodness for that. They have become like family to us and let me tell you when you live far from family, good friends are so important. We ate and the kids played and we watched a movie. By 7pm we were all ready for bed. It was a good and relaxing day. I must say a huge thank you to the visiting teachers who knew we needed help this time of year and provided the majority of the food for our families. We would not have been able to afford Thanksgiving dinner without them. I am so grateful to be a part of the Gospel and to have people who around me that are in-tune with the spirit and know when there is a need, even when we don't tell them.

Kicked from the Inside

Two days ago we were able to see our baby girl on ultrasound again. Honestly I was a little worried because with the last ultrasound they could not see all the chambers of her heart but they are there and they are working! She has gotten so much bigger. She is just over a pound now and her profile is just beautiful. In 5 weeks we get to see her in 3D, something I have never been able to do and I am so excited. She moves so much now and I just pray everyday that she won't move enough to get caught in that cord. I am more paranoid with this baby than I have been with any of the others. She is the one good thing that has happened to us in a string of very hard things. Matt was commenting to me this morning about how he wished he could say that we had been through worst things than what we are going through but this is it. So far this is the rock bottom for us. We have so many decisions to make in the next little while and probably a whole lot of changes but we have made it this far and all that matters is that we stay together. The holidays are going to be hard this year. We are very blessed to have neighbors to share Thanksgiving with because we were just planning on having Thanksgiving alone at our house without any of your traditional Thanksgiving food. We had no money for a turkey or anything else. Yesterday some sisters from our ward came by with two big boxes full of Thanksgiving food for us and the neighbors to use. They said they felt there was a need. Matt and I had not told anyone about our situation because we have gotten a lot of help from the church lately with food and we felt that there were probably others that needed the food more than we did. I just started to cry. I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father makes our needs known even when we don't. I am so thankful for people who are in-tune with the spirit enough to know our needs when we don't even know them ourselves. This year has been one huge humbling experience for us. You could even say a humiliating experience because we made it a year and now things are starting to fall apart. We are mindful however that Heavenly Father is helping us and blessing us. I am reminded everytime I am kicked from the inside.

In a perfect world

Lazy days are great except for the feeling of total lack of accomplishment. Today I took Claire to school and came home and slept on the couch while Ivan and Nora watched TV. We picked Claire up from school, had lunch and then Ivan, Nora and I had a nap. We did make it out to the park but I did not make it out of my sweat pants. Here we are almost 5pm and the day is draggggging on. I really need to find some motivation somewhere, perhaps it's in the couch cushions with all of my other crap. I have decided, in a perfect world my kitchen would clean itself and dinner would always magically appear on the table at 6pm without me lifting a finger. In a perfect world, I would have the energy to do everything I see the women around my doing and have some to spair. In a perfect world homework would always get done before it's due the next day and clothes would wash themselves. In a perfect world I would be lazy as heck!