Friday, January 29, 2010

The Lord Truly Answers Prayers

Thought you might find this interesting. This is a picture of the ultrasound that they do every week. The peaks at the bottom are what measure the amount of anemia that the baby is experiencing. You would not believe how hard it is to get these measurements sometimes, they have to be exact and they have to have multiple images to measure. Sometimes I have to hold my breath so they can get it exactly right.

This really isn't meant to be a negative post so if it seems that way, keep in mind that I am just exhausted. I went to the perinatologist today. I called before hand to see if I was going to see the doctor or just the stenographer. I was very frustrated when I was told I was only scheduled for the ultrasound because I had questions and my routine OB had sent me with some questions as well. They did the growth ultrasound and checked the central cerebral artery blood flow AGAIN to determine the anemia. Good news is she is holding steady where she was last week and her growth looks good. Most babies with anemia tend not to grow very well but she seems to be doing fine. All good news. I also noticed this morning when I was taking a bath that I could no longer feel Nae's head in my ribs and wondered if she had turned...Sure enough, she is no longer breech, she is head down. Guess those contractions have been doing something! I told the stenographer that I had a bunch of questions that my OB wanted answered and started firing away. I knew that if I asked her enough questions she would eventually get the doctor and she did! He wasn't a whole lot of help. He did tell me that he is going to let me go 2 weeks before he sees me again which is good and bad. Good that she is doing fine, bad that my routine OB wants me going every week. Then he gave me some questions to ask her when I see her on Tuesday. I am so frustrated that the two of them are not asking each other these questions directly and I plan on telling my OB that when I see her. They are going to let me know first thing next week when the C-section will be scheduled. I am wondering if maybe we can get away with an induction because she is doing much better than they thought she would be...that would be so nice. Either way we are scheduling a C-Section or an induction. In the meantime I am absolutely exhausted. I am emotionally spent. But this will not last forever, the longest it could last is 3-4 more weeks, so there is a very positive side to this. The Lord truly does answer prayers because the doctor said she is doing better than most babies in her situation. Now I wish I could just speed up time so this part would be over...I'm exhausted.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

New Attitude

Tomorrow I see the perinatologist AGAIN. My regular OB told me that she wanted to schedule the C-Section so I have to ask him if we are going to do the amnio or the in-utero blood transfusion. If so they need to do it soon so that we can get this little one here. I have a feeling she is going to try to come early on her own. 2 nights in a row we have thought that maybe I have been in labor but after a couple of hours it stops. I refuse to go to the hospital until I know it's the real thing because the one that we have to go to is an hour away. We can't go to one closer to our house because none of them have a NICU. I am getting very anxious to have her out of me. I just don't feel well and she doesn't either so let's get us both feeling better! After good advice from a mother in our ward, I have decided to stop trying to keep up with this house. Today, instead of worrying about making sure everything is clean and picked up and yelling at the kids in the process, I have napped and watched movies with them and napped some more and have been reading. I have not had to yell at them at all! I love it! I realized too what an adverse effect my frustration and out of control mood swings have been on my little kids when Ivan said "shit" and then had to come ask me if it was a bad word. Man I have to do better. I have been out of control for about 2 weeks now and that can't be good for anyone, especially the baby. So it is CHILL time for me. I will keep up on laundry and dishes and feed the kids and just relax, the house will not fall down around us in the meantime and when help comes I will have plenty for them to do.

Takin' It Easy

Well, Naomi may be coming soon. 2 nights in a row I have had about 2 steady hours of contractions and hard ones at that. I go in on Friday to have her anemia checked and then they are supposed to schedule the C-Section but I think they better check me to see if I am dilating. We are getting down to the wire now and I have decided that I am going to stop trying to get my house "ready" for me to go to the hospital. No matter how much I clean it is just going to get messed up again. I wasn't even really doing for myself, I was doing it so I wouldn't be embarrassed when My mom and Matt's step-mom come down. I don't even think they will care and if they do then oh well. I am just going to relax and focus on my kids and the little things that have to be done but other than that I am going to take it easy!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Wiped Out

I have to say, I hate feeling totally out of control. Right now, no matter how hard I try it seems I just have NO control over my emotions. I yell at the kids for every little thing they do and then I burst into tears. I usually get this way toward the end of my pregnancies but this one seems so much worse. I think it's all the worry and back and forth to the doctors. I could just really use some help right now. I wish so badly that my mom could come early. I'm just wiped out.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Just Got to Hang In There

Another appointment come and gone with the perinatologist. Ultrasound showed that she is higher than she has ever been on the anemia scale but still in the stable range and so they are letting me go at least one more week. My amniotic fluid has gone down to a 22 which is normal and so they are not worried about that anymore. Baby is still breech and so it looks like it will be a C-Section no matter what, we'll just see. Getting very tired of all these appointments and trying to find child care. I have decided it would be less stressful to just take the kids with me and so I am going to try to schedule my appointments in the afternoons from now on or the kids are just going to have to miss some school. At the perinatologists office they said not to schedule anymore appointments past next week and so maybe we are getting down to the wire, I don't know. One minute everyone seems to be up in a panic and telling me to get registered at the hospital and the next minute they are telling me that she is stable and hang in there. It's such an emotional roller coaster by now that I just don't have the energy to even be worried anymore. I can tell I am getting depressed because I don't want to leave the house. I can also tell that I am nesting and I am glad for that, my house has been a wreck for far too long. Very glad that this will all be over in 6 weeks. I realize at that point we will have a whole different mess on our hands but my mom will be here and then Matt's step-mom and I will finally have the help that I am so desperate for. Just got to hang in there!

Thursday, January 21, 2010


It's raining, it's pouring! I haven't seen this much rain in over a year and I love it! It is the perfect day to curl up with a good book and watch it rain. Actually, the perfect day would be to go back to bed and sleep! I did not get much good sleep last night. I am having the weirdest dreams and was having a lot of contractions in my sleep. Well, we got two new additions to our household last night. I know what you are thinking, I am totally crazy but we are already in love with them. They are chiuauah's or as Nora like to call them Chickiwawa's. Their names are Lacey (the white one) and Fiona (the black one). One of my really great friends gave them to us and I am so excited. I have wanted a chiuaua for the longest time!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Oh Good Hell...

So at my last appointment they told me I had this, they said it could cause pre-term labor. They did not tell me the other complications it could mean or could cause. Oh good hell!

Polyhydramnios: Too Much Amniotic Fluid
When a woman has polyhydramnios, the level of amniotic fluid surrounding the baby is too high. To understand how this can affect your health and the health of your baby, it's helpful to first understand the role amniotic fluid plays in a healthy pregnancy.
What You Need to Know About Amniotic Fluid
The amniotic fluid that surrounds your baby plays an important role in your baby's growth and development. This clear-colored liquid protects the baby and provides it with fluids. Your baby breathes this fluid into its lungs and swallows it. This helps your baby's lungs and digestive system grow strong. Your amniotic fluid also allows the baby to move around, which helps it to develop its muscles and bones.

The amniotic sac that contains your baby begins to form about 12 days after conception. Amniotic fluid begins to form at that time, too. In the early weeks of pregnancy, amniotic fluid is mainly made up of water supplied by the mother. After about 12 weeks, your baby's urine makes up most of the fluid.

The amount of amniotic fluid increases until about 28-32 weeks of pregnancy. At that time you have about 1 quart of fluid. After that time, the level stays about the same until about 37-40 weeks, when your baby is considered full-term. After that, the level begins to decrease.

What You Need to Know About Polyhydramnios
Polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid) occurs in about 2 out of 100 of pregnancies. Most cases are mild and result from a slow buildup of excess fluid in the second half of pregnancy. But in a few cases, fluid builds up as early as the 16th week of pregnancy. This usually leads to very early delivery.

Polyhydramnios is diagnosed with ultrasound. Medical experts do not fully understand what causes this condition. In 2 out 3 cases, the cause is not known. Here are two of the best-known causes:

Birth defects in the baby that affect the ability to swallow. Normally, when the fetus swallows, the level of amniotic fluid goes down a bit. This helps to balance out the increase in fluid caused by fetal urination.
Heart defects in the baby.
Women with diabetes are at increased risk for polyhydramnios. But they have fewer complications from polyhydramnios than women without diabetes.

Women with mild polyhydramnios may have few symptoms. Women with more severe cases may have discomfort in the belly and breathing problems. That's because the buildup of fluids causes the uterus to crowd the lungs and the organs in the belly.

Preterm rupture of the membranes (breaks or tears in the sac that holds the amniotic fluid; also called PROM)
Umbilical cord accidents
Polyhydramnios may also raise the risk of pregnancy complications, including:
Preterm delivery
Placental abruption (the placenta peels away from the uterine wall before delivery)
Poor growth of the fetus
Cesarean delivery
Severe bleeding by the mother after delivery
What You Can Do
The best thing you can do is to go to all your prenatal care appointments. Your health care provider can monitor the size of your belly and how much amniotic fluid is in your womb. If you have a problem, your provider can take steps to help prevent complications in you and your baby.

If you have diabetes, talk to your health care provider about your increased risk of polyhydramnios.

If your health care provider thinks you might have polyhydraminos, you will probably need extra monitoring during your pregnancy. About half the time, polyhydramnios goes away without treatment. Other times, the problem may be corrected when the cause is addressed. For example, treating high blood sugar levels in women with diabetes often lowers the amount of amniotic fluid. Other treatments include removing some amniotic fluid or using medication to reduce fluid levels.

What a Good Feeling

Tomorrow is another appointment with the OB for a non-stress test. Hopefully all will go well because it has been a good 3 days not worrying about little "Nae". It looks as though this will be a C-Section birth no matter what though because she is being stubborn and won't move from the breech position. You never know though she could surprise us and turn. The only way I would be able to deliver her though is if she makes it to 37 weeks. If it's any earlier it has to be C-section. I cleaned all day and now tonight I am having some contractions but they are not regular. It is so nice to have a clean house though. It has been a while. I feel at peace with the house picked up. I feel like if I have to go to the hospital this week then I can go and not worry about whomever is taking care of my kids because they won't have to deal with a messy house. What a good feeling.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Stable with a Chance of Pre-Term Labor

Great news, Naomi is stable for now! She is slightly lower on the anemic scale but the doctor warned me that it can fluctuate and jump at any time. We will measure her anemia again next Friday. For today however she has improved and I am thankful for that blessing. Her heart rate has also slowed from the 176 range to the 164 range. Overall improvement. The only negative news today was that my amniotic fluid is too high and that can cause pre-term labor. Right now pre-term labor is the least of my worries but we will still watch for it. They gave me a whole check list to put on my fridge. I also have to be very consistent with the kick counts because she was a little sluggish today. However, for the next three days we can breathe a little easier.

Dr. Knows Best

Headed to the Perinatologist this morning. Pretty anxious about this appointment. I have a feeling we are headed for a blood transfusion but really have no idea. Poor Matt is so torn between work and home. I am trying to be strong and not worry too much but it's so hard. Last night I had a very good cry and a blessing but I am still anxious. I know the specialist knows best but I just really feel like if we could get her here we could do more. We will just see what he has to say today.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Today is a Worry Day

I have been doing pretty well since Sunday when I got a blessing but today is definitely a worry day. I had dreams all night that I didn't like and now today I am just anxious. Waiting the three days between these appointments shouldn't be as hard as it is but it's starting to become impossible. I will be so glad when Nae is here with us and safe. I hate the kick counting that they have me doing. I hate sitting here waiting for her to move so that I know that she is still alive. It was all I could do to drag myself to the store today and I was too lazy to get half of the stuff I needed. I wish grocery stores delivered. I just feel like hiding in my house until this is all over. I am trying to clean so that when I do have to go it's all done and organized but it's just not working. I'm just not seeing much progress. It's just a "worry day."

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Up and Down

I forgot how tiring being pregnant can be, especially being pregnant with three other little ones to take care of. I spent most of the day in my PJ's because I am just not feeling well. I will be glad when we are out of limbo with this baby even though I know it will be a very hard road ahead. After a very good nap this afternoon with my kiddo's I was able to clean the upstairs, shampoo the carpets and even clean one bathroom. This is more than I have been able to do in a long time! I just don't understand why I am so tired. I could literally stay in bed all day and night and for some reason I don't think it's all related to the pregnancy. It was a good day though, able to relax, play with the kids a little and read which always helps me escape. Only 1 day left until we measure the anemia again in little Naomi. I am nervous about what might happen but I know that the Lord is watching out for her and loves her and I am at peace that everything will be okay.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Baby Update

I went in for my first non-stress test today. The baby's heart rate is high, in the 170's so they are going to have me kick counting several times a day. If she does not move enough then I have to go straight to the hospital. I also tested positive for sugar in my urine. They said they were not going to worry too much about it unless it continues to go up and at that point they will do an amniocentesis to check for jaundice. They said I was 31 weeks and 5 days which is further than we thought but each doctor seems to have a different opinion as to how far along I am. I go in to the perinatologist on Friday for another non-stress test and another ultrasound to check the progression of the anemia. If the anemia has progressed above the critical line then I am headed to Banner Desert for a pubs or an in utero blood transfusion. If something goes wrong then they will take her emergency C-Section there at Banner Desert. The only catch is that my OB's do not deliver there so it would be the perinatologist that would deliver her. I actually would prefer that though. So 3 days from now we will know more.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Just so Tiring

I have decided that I am just too tired to keep going like this. I am trying desperately to keep the house clean but the energy is just not there. I just keep thinking how nice it would be if my mom or Matt's step-mom could just come and spend the next month or so here with us. It would alleviate the stress of trying to find someone for every appointment I have to go to. I now go twice a week, once to the OB and once to the perinatologist. If I make it the full 6 weeks until they induce me that is 24 appointments. However the perinatologist did not seem to think that I would make it that long. My feeling is it will be in the next couple of weeks. It's just so tiring!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Trying to Prepare

I just don't know what to do to start preparing for the upcoming weeks. My desire is simply to sit on the couch and stare into space. I am so used to being in control and this situation is completely out of my control. I decided that today I needed a project to keep me busy and one that will make me feel more prepared and so I am headed to the fabric store to buy the supplies necessary to recover the infant car seat that we have. I have never tried this but a friend of mine knows what she is doing and if I get stuck or desperate I can call her. I also need to buy a few preemie clothes but I figure I can send Matt to the store after she is born to get something to bring her home in. I just keep focusing on bringing her home because the alternative is unthinkable right now. So today I am going to get the car seat done and re-arrange our room so that the portable crib will fit next to my side of the bed. Perhaps then I will feel more in control and more prepared.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Holding on to Hope

Today was my appointment with the perinatologist. They started my appointment with a very detailed ultrasound of our little "Nae". In order to check for anemia they measure the center cerebral artery blood flow. After much checking and measuring they determined that our little one is anemic. She is very close to the critical line at which point they will either do a blood transfusion through the cord or they will take her C-section. The hardest part is that both carry risks and the doctor let me know that although the risk is low we should know that there is a chance of loss. The highest that antibodies should fall is 16, mine are at a 32. They will not let me go to term, if they do not have to take her early C-section then they will induce me at 37 weeks. Good news is that I am farther along than we thought. My OB had told me that I was 29 weeks but with this ultrasound they have determined that I am in fact going to be 31 weeks on Sunday. When she is born she will have to stay in the NICU which means we will now be delivering at Chandler Regional rather than Mercy Gilbert. I will be seeing both my regular OB and the Perinatal specialist weekly for non-stress tests on the babies heart and further ultrasounds to track the anemia. So little "Nae" could come anytime in the next 6 weeks and as hard as it is, she could return to our Heavenly Father. I have faith that the doctors will be able to save our little girl. I have to, I cannot bury a baby. Now more than ever we need the windows of heaven to open and poor blessings upon us. I am so thankful for these images that we have of her and I am so thankful she is a thumb sucker, perhaps this will mean NO binky's!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

That Moment

This baby was born at 29 weeks

Do you ever wish that you could go back to the moment everything changed? I do. I can pinpoint that moment and I wish so much that I could go back to that moment and stop the world from turning and stop my little world from spinning way out of balance. Worry is an unproductive thing but as mothers we do it all of the time. Thank goodness we can shelter our children from most everything that we need to. We can teach them not to run in front of cars, to say no to drugs, to play nice with others. But what about when we can't shelter them or teach them to stay away from what is going to hurt them. What if that thing is you. Every moment that this baby is inside of me I worry about the damage that I am doing to her. I worry that she is severely anemic, I worry that she has too much fluid on her heart, I worry that her organs are going to fail. I am hoping that my appointment with the perinatologist will answer my questions and calm my fears but I think that this cloud of worry will be with me until she is here, alive and okay. I am just tired of the images in my head of her small undeveloped body lying in an incubator where I cannot hold her and comfort her. I am tired of imagining the C-section and not being able to hold her at birth. I am tired of worrying as to whether or not I will get to nurse her. I am just tired. Tomorrow cannot come soon enough for me.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Waiting and Trying not to Worry

Well, the Doctor's office finally called this morning and everything is as we suspected. My body has begun to build up antibodies that are destroying the babies red blood cells. They are worried that there may be fluid around her heart and so I am off to see a perinatal specialist on Friday morning. They told me that there is a good chance that little Naomi may be coming early via C-section. Now the trick is not to go crazy between now and Friday morning. I am just anxious. I have a feeling that "Nae" will be okay with a lot of help from modern medicine but being the mom I am sort of the center of our little universe. I am worried about my other kids and how I will juggle all of this. There are so many other things going through my mind but until I have answers from the specialist I am going to try not to worry. I am going to pray like crazy and just breathe. I am going to pack a bag however so that we are prepared for a hospital stay at any time.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Unsettling News

Today I got a call from my Obgyn's PA. She said that I do not have gestational diabetes but that I am testing positive for antibodies. I have O- blood and so with every pregnancy I have to have rogam injections so that my blood and the blood of any baby with positive blood will not mix. When she said that I am testing positive for antibodies, it means that my blood and the babies blood have already mixed. This can be very dangerous for an unborn baby. She did not deliver any news other than the fact that I was building up antibodies and she said that she had to talk to the other doctors and that I would hear back from her. She did not call back today and so I am freaking out. When this happens in utero it means that the baby can become severely anemic and jaundice. My body is essentially fighting off the baby, trying to destroy it. The treatment is a blood transfusion for the baby in utero and possibly and early C-section. So little Naomi may be making her appearance in this world earlier than expected. I am very upset that the PA did not call me back today. I called the office 4 times over the course of the afternoon and not one word from anyone. I am calling first thing in the morning. I need to know what needs to happen. The most horrible thing is that one of my children is in trouble and I can't do anything to help her. No amount of taking it easy, lying down, resting will do anything. Once our blood is mixed it's mixed. I also found out that when you have the Rh- factor and you have babies that have a positive blood type the risk of this increases with each child. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT! I am surprised at the amount of information that they have not given me. I am just in shock and want to know where we go from here.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Good Morning!

What a day! I woke up rested and with somewhere to go. I think that has made this morning great! We are waiting for our neighbor to get ready and then we are headed to the library. Usually the days are very hard in the mornings and I can't get started but I think that's because I don't have anywhere to go. I think that Nora and I will go for walks in the morning just to get out and get motivated.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Not Too Long Now!

I AM HUGE! I am now the size of a small house. It is getting hard to move and sit and clean and breathe but I am completely happy that Naomi is doing well inside of me and that she will be coming in less than 3 months! I feel like I am getting bigger by the day (and since the last ultrasound indicated that she only weighed 3lbs 5oz,) I probably am.

On another note, we started a very early church schedule today and I LOVE it! We start at 8am and it seemed like the time flew! Sacrament meeting was a little hard, literally. We had to sit on the chairs in the back and pregnancy combined with fibromyalgia does not make for a happy time on hard chairs. We are either going to have to get up an hour earlier or take a pillow or something for me to sit on. Won't that be fun! So far 2010 has been good. There have been a few frustrating things pop up but I am not going to let it get me down! I will say that I am soooo excited that school starts tomorrow!

Saturday, January 2, 2010


I am so frustrated this weekend. I have been cleaning and cleaning and it just seems to get messier! Weekends and holidays are so hard because everyone assumes that the cleaning fairy comes. I am so pregnant and so tired all of the time and I can't clean over and over. I don't expect my house to be immaculate but just picked up would be nice. The kids think for some reason that it's okay to leave everything on the floor. We make them help us clean it up but it just stick with them that if they throw it down, get it out, make the mess, they have to clean it up. Claire has been sick and is SO whiny! I definitely need a day away!