Wednesday, April 15, 2009

So Done...

Last night I started having some brown spotting and so I prepared myself for a miscarriage. I called the Doctor on call and they told me to go into the Dr. today and see what was happening. I went in and they determined that the blood was coming from my cervix and not my uterus. They told me that they were hopeful that everything was okay. I came home tonight and we celebrated Nora's 2nd birthday with some friends. After all of our friends left I went to the bathroom and found that I was miscarrying. This is the second miscarriage in 2 months and I just can't do it anymore. We will not be trying again anytime soon. For now it's on to testing to find out why this is happening. Even if we find out, I am too scared and upset to try again anytime soon. I don't know nhow much more we can take. I know that the Lord doesn't give you any trials that you can't handle but I am starting to think that he has way too much faith in our abilities. I just want to go to sleep and stay asleep until I feel like I can handle things again. This is just so horrible no matter how many times you go through it. I know that it happens for a reason. There is something wrong with the baby blah blah blah...I don't care if there is something wrong, I will take the baby and I will love it! Whatever child the Lord wants to send to us I will love and adore but apparently it is not meant to happen. I'm just so angry.

4 comments:

Queen M said...

I'm so so sorry Aubrey. Welcome to the club, the club of our bodies don't do what we they are supposed to do to get our kids here club. I didn't have miscarriages, but I totally understand your pain and anger. Were you seeing a high risk Dr? I wish I could just give you a big hug, big Dr Pepper and a chocolate Albertsons donut to help you feel a little better.

JEM said...

"We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face." -Thomas S. Monson, "Looking Back and Moving Forward," Ensign, May 2008, 90.

Kami said...

Aubrey,
I am praying for you and your family. I love you!

Aubrey Garff said...

thanks to everyone, JEM that was very awesome, thanks for the quote.