Monday, June 15, 2009
Hurts so Bad
Today we had another little miracle. I was supposed to go see the child psychologist for Claire but the psychologist called and had to reschedule. I was really bummed but then my neighbor called and needed me to watch her kids. So I made some extra money today which we needed very badly to pay our A/C bill which was 222 dollars. So there was a miracle. It was hard having 9 kids at the house but I made some playdough and it was all good from there.
As for the rest of this evening, I just don't know why it has to be so hard. We had dinner and by the time I was done making it I was exhausted. My whole body hurt. I am just so tired of hurting so bad and there is nothing I can do to stop it, I just have to take pills when it gets bad and I hate that. It's not like a broken bone that will go away with time, this is something that I will suffer with the rest of my life and that can be really depressing at times. After dinner we started our family home evening. Our project was to clean up the backyard. We said a prayer and began to work. Literally 2 minutes later, Ivan fell off of a swing onto the rocks and cut his head open. Luckily it wasn't bad enough to have to go to the hospital because we couldn't afford to take him anyway! The kids would not help and I was just too sore to do what needed to be done. So we came inside and the kids are just now getting into bed (thank goodness). There was a moment during the evening when I think I hit a huge low. I was holding a towel on Ivan's head which was bleeding, the kids and Matt were all sitting around and it just felt like my stomach hit the ground and I thought "why, why, why?" I just feel so discouraged because we are doing everything that the Lord has asked of us and everyday it is something new. I am so tired and it just hurts so bad to do everyday things. So although there was a miracle today, I have to say it was a very hard day. I am still wondering about my rainbow however, it may be here.