Saturday, July 25, 2009
Tonight we had a birthday party for Ivan. He turns 4 years old on Sunday. I can't believe that my little man is getting so big. I was looking through pictures of his first birthday and I can't believe how much he has changed and how much he is the same. It was fun tonigh but there were many people missing. I am so grateful to the friends that were there, especially because Matt got detained at work and missed the majority of the party. I am so angry that my husband has been lost in a world of anxiety and depression that I cannot pull him back from. He is harassed and belittled at work. I know I shouldn't post about it but I have to say something before we all go crazy. I am having a very hard time understanding why he was supposed to stay with this company and why we were supposed to move here if it was going to take him away from us. I am so grateful for the friends that we have made here and I would have a hard time leaving them but we need to go wherever my husband is. He is not here. There is someone here that looks just like him but this man does not laugh anymore. This man has lost his sarcasm (which for Matt is a huge deal), this man has lost his very will to live. This man does not seem to notice us anymore because he is hurting so badly. I pray that we can find a way to rectify the situation we have gotten ourselves into. I am starting to lose faith in our decision to move to Arizona. Perhaps it was not inspiration at all, merely a feeble attempt to create a better life for our family. It just might be time to pack it in and crawl back home with our tails between our legs.