Sunday, March 28, 2010

I Will Do Better

2 weeks ago tonight I was waiting and pacing and ready to go to the hospital the next morning to have our little one. I was also terrified. As I sit and hold her now (as I type) I am still terrified but completely in love. I am terrified that I will do things wrong. I am terrified that as they grow older our relationship will not be what it is now and can only hope that I do better than what was done to me. Self-confidence and I have never been friends. I have always been one to seek the approval from others and so parenting has proved a challenge for me with the constant on look of others and their criticism. I cannot change my past and the things that were done to me but I can do better. I have done better. One thing that I have promised myself is that I will always tell my children that I am sorry when I am in the wrong. I have done this and will continue to do this the rest of our lives so that they know that I do make mistakes but that I am willing to admit them and I love them enough to do so. I wish this had been done for me but wishing does not create results and so with my kids I will not wish I could do better, I WILL do better.

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