Sunday, May 31, 2009
How Do We Keep Going?
Today has not been such a good day for our little family. We all got way too much sun yesterday and were sick today. We ended up staying home from church and by tonight Matt was a mess. I slept most of the day due to the lack of water from yesterday and by the time I got out of bed at 4:30pm I was very anxious about who knows what. Matt is convinced that he is going to lose his job. He is completely depressed and I don't know what to do or how to keep going. He was doing so much better after we went to the temple last week and so I think we need to go again this week. I just don't have enough faith for the both of us. I know we were supposed to be here and I am okay with it. I am sad and miss home but I know we are not supposed to go back, at least not now. Matt is thinking that we are going to have to move again. He has talked about Texas...I don't want to go to Texas. I won't go to Texas. If we aren't happy where we are, what is to say we will be happy somewhere else. I wish that we could just live day to day and deal with what is happening in that day, rather than trying to deal with the rest of our lives all in one day. That is what Matt is doing everyday and how could that not depress you? I don't know what to do to make things okay. We are having a hard enough time without him falling off the deep end. I am the one that falls apart, not him. I don't know what to do when he is falling apart. Maybe that is part of the reason we are going through what we are, so that I can learn what it's like for the person trying to hold things together. I just want to know how we are supposed to keep going through all of this. I know the answer is FAITH but I don't know if I have enough for all of us.