Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Tired of Hiding

Today was a very hard day for our family. I had a complete meltdown and nearly ended up in the psychiatric hospital. The doctor said I should probably go there at least to get some rest but we opted for home instead. And so my medications were adjusted, some new ones were added and I came home and slept all day. I know it addeda lot of stress to Matt but it was completely out of my control. Why you ask amd I telling you this? Well, because I am tired of hiding behind a smile and being afraid of what people will think if I am not the stable person they thought I was. I am tired of people thinking there is something wrong with people who suffer from depression and anxiety. I am tired of being judged. My great friend Tami taught me a valuable lesson and that is to learn from this kind of thing and that is what I am trying to do. The sad thing for me is the lack of understanding from others. I hate that it puts such a burden on my husband but he is such a wonderful man to put up with my psychosis and love me anyway. I almost wish that we had opted for the hospital just so that I could get some immediate counseling but tomorrow I will start work on that. In the meantime it's hard not to feel like everyone is watching me like I am a freak show. I am tired of hiding the fact that I do not have it all together and that I am in fact a basket case.


The Warner Corner said...

I am so proud of you! You can get through this. You have people that love you and support you in your life. I know how hard this is. Writing about it did wonders for me. I love you and am ALWAYS here for you no matter what!! Hang in there. It WILL get better.

Lynnette said...

Aubrey, I want you to know I love you. You are amazing. You deal with a lot and I don't judge you at all! It's okay to lean on family and friends...we are here for you.