Friday, November 20, 2009

Kicked from the Inside

Two days ago we were able to see our baby girl on ultrasound again. Honestly I was a little worried because with the last ultrasound they could not see all the chambers of her heart but they are there and they are working! She has gotten so much bigger. She is just over a pound now and her profile is just beautiful. In 5 weeks we get to see her in 3D, something I have never been able to do and I am so excited. She moves so much now and I just pray everyday that she won't move enough to get caught in that cord. I am more paranoid with this baby than I have been with any of the others. She is the one good thing that has happened to us in a string of very hard things. Matt was commenting to me this morning about how he wished he could say that we had been through worst things than what we are going through but this is it. So far this is the rock bottom for us. We have so many decisions to make in the next little while and probably a whole lot of changes but we have made it this far and all that matters is that we stay together. The holidays are going to be hard this year. We are very blessed to have neighbors to share Thanksgiving with because we were just planning on having Thanksgiving alone at our house without any of your traditional Thanksgiving food. We had no money for a turkey or anything else. Yesterday some sisters from our ward came by with two big boxes full of Thanksgiving food for us and the neighbors to use. They said they felt there was a need. Matt and I had not told anyone about our situation because we have gotten a lot of help from the church lately with food and we felt that there were probably others that needed the food more than we did. I just started to cry. I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father makes our needs known even when we don't. I am so thankful for people who are in-tune with the spirit enough to know our needs when we don't even know them ourselves. This year has been one huge humbling experience for us. You could even say a humiliating experience because we made it a year and now things are starting to fall apart. We are mindful however that Heavenly Father is helping us and blessing us. I am reminded everytime I am kicked from the inside.

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