My kids asked me today what I want for Christmas and they were so shocked when I told them that Mommy doesn't need anything for Christmas. The funny thing is, it's really true. Possessions seem so trivial now compared to buying food for my children and making sure they have warm clothes to wear during our "winter" here in Arizona. All I really want is to make sure that this Christmas is magical for our family. I found out today after being bounced around from one salvation army center to the other since October, that the office that services our area is no longer accepting applications for Christmas assistance. At first I was horrified and couldn't believe this was happening because I started this whole process in October but the reality of it is that it is happening and we will just have to find another way to provide our children with a few toys. The good thing is, our children have been raised thus far only receiving 3 gifts and a pair of PJ's at Christmas from mom,dad and Santa. They are not used to having a huge Christmas. A friend of ours gave us that idea when Claire was born. Christ received 3 gifts from the wise men and so that is what our children receive from us/Santa. Somehow even though I am worried about giving them gifts at Christmas, I have been recalling in my mind all of the stories I have heard over the years of families that have had incredible spiritual experiences and miracles at Christmas time and I have faith that we will be one of them. Well, more than faith I have hope but isn't that where faith starts? Fake it till' you make it huh?
All I really want for Christmas is to have my family together and together is what we are. We are safe and dry and warm, we have very little food but we still have food and what more could a mother ask for. The only gift that could be better than all of this is to hear the sound of my husband's laughter again. We have missed it so much this last year and having him back and feeling better would top of the holiday season and be miracle enough for me. I want so much to be able to lift his burden and help him be happy again. Someday his laughter will return, I have to believe that.
It's so funny how our needs change as we go through life. Although this has been the hardest year of our married lives, we have truly been humbled and I now realize the importance of what really counts and what really counts is Eternity with my husband and Children.