Saturday, October 16, 2010
A Little Less Lonely
Today was a good day. Matt and I were able to go to lunch together and it is the first date we have had in a very long time. We had a good time talking and shopping together. When we were at lunch I was a little emotional. We started talking about how vulnerable we are as people. I had posed the question "why does Heavenly Father make us so emotionally vulnerable when he knew such hard things would happen to us here on earth?" I immediately answered my own question. I know it is because if we sailed through life without the trial of heartbreak there would be no need for faith. If emotion did not prompt us to question what we know we would not have the opportunity to grow and progress. I just hate that my heart is prone to feeling more than it can handle at times. I couldn't help but cry a little when we talked about how unfair our lot seemed but in the end I know that our lot is no more unfair than anyone elses. We were able to spend the remainder of the afternoon with a very kind and genuine family. The kids had so much fun playing in a bounce house and playing with all of the other kids. It was so good to see Matt interacting with the other fathers there. At one point he turned to me and said "Ivan is 4 right?" When I told him Ivan was 5 he looked at me like I was crazy and said "no he's 4!" I said "no you have to be 5 to be in kindergarten." Matt thought he was still in pre-school. It was a hard conversation to have because it was clear that Matt could not remember and when it became clear to him that he could not remember he apologized. This is all such a hard thing for me to process, I can't imagine what it is like for him. How much is he grieving knowing what is happening to him? It was hard but it helped that we were surrounded by friends. It is becoming easier to deal with his memory lapses and I believe it is a matter of adjusting. I am grateful that the Lord is helping us adjust to what is happening. It was so nice to be a part of someones family today. We were able to spend the day with some of the funnest and most genuine people I have met. I am so thankful for good friends that make our lives a little less lonely.