Sunday, October 30, 2011

Not Today

Today is not such a good day. I just can't pull it together. Our most awesome home teachers came today and the tears started and they just won't stop. One of our home teachers stops by here and there and I LOVE it. He comes to chat with Matt and to see how I am doing. His family has been through a very rough ordeal and he takes care of everyone in his family and it's so nice to have someone to relate to. Last night one of Matt's friends from his mission called and his family too has been through a similar ordeal and it was so nice to talk to him! It's so nice to know that what I'm feeling is pretty normal for this kind of thing. Today I am overwhelmed with a dozen different emotions. We were getting dressed and ready for church and I just broke down. I should be taking the kids even though Matt can't go but today I just can't face it. I hurt so much lately. It's gotten much worse since we got here and some days I just can't get going. I feel like everyone around me is watching and judging. I realize they probably aren't but today that's just how it feels. I just used to be so on top of things, so put together and now that is gone and I feel like I'm drowning in unfulfilled responsibilities. I just hurt inside and out.

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