Monday, November 5, 2012

I See

Today I am so grateful for the love that I have in my life.  I am so thankful for the people who accept me, support me and stand by me.  I am so thankful for the irrevocable love that I have from an amazing husband.  I spent a couple of hours in court with a friend today and as I watched case after case I wondered why we as a human race end up in these types of situations.  Why is there hate where the once was love.  Why do people who once dreamed of sharing a life together and couldn't imagine being apart end up searching for ways to hurt each other?  There is no judgement here, don't misunderstand my questions for criticism.  I was just taken aback by the resentment these people had.  I am grateful that Matt and I were able to take our problems to counseling and that we are happy today because of that decision.  I am not foolish enough to think that we won't have to work at happiness for the rest of eternity, Marriage is work and anyone who tells you differently is either delusional or a liar.  Matts stroke was so hard on us.  It has tested our little family in ways I never thought possible but I see the Lords hand in our lives.  I see where there is strength where there once was weakness.  I see where he has bonded our family together with love and hardship and endurance.  I am so thankful for my husband and my incredibly crazy children!
The kids seem to be doing better in a lot of ways and we have only had a few setbacks.  I think the more time we have together as a normal functioning family the better.  I know we could benefit exponentially from counseling but I am not sure that it is going to happen.  There are so many financial limitations that make it nearly impossible.  I do think that time is healing us though.  The kids have been showing signs of recovery that I thought would never come.  Nora is finally settling into school and we no longer drag her crying to kindergarten anymore.  I think she is finding a safe place in this world again.  She is seeing that Dad is doing better and that Mom is not going to disappear again.  Ivan and Claire are doing well in school.  They are difficult as ever but I just keep reminding myself that it will be a great thing when they are older.  If they keep up the attitudes that they display here at home they will go far in this impossible world.  I am so grateful that our little family seems to be back on track.  Please Lord no more strokes. I pray that Matt will continue to get better and better.  According to every doctor that we have seen Matt should not be doing as well as he is.  According to the doctors he should not even be back to work until a year from now.  He should still need therapy and recovery time at home but he is blowing those statistics out of the water.  He is full functioning and aside from a few symptoms here and there he is progressing at an incredible rate.  He is back to full time work and started that in August, only 5 months after a massive hemorrhage and debilitating stroke.  I am so proud of him!  I am so blessed to still have him.  I am so grateful to the Lord for leaving him here with us.  I don't know what we would have done without him.  We would not have come back from his death.  He is meant for great things here on earth.  I hope that I can compliment his goodness with even a minuscule amount of grace.  We are a long way from recovered but we have started that journey and I am so thankful for that!

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