Life These Days

Life is so different these days. Being a working mom is not something I ever wanted to do but I must say I have it so good. I love what I do and I get to do it from home so I see my children as much as ever. There are some days when that's not such a good thing! They can be very difficult during nail appointments sometimes but luckily I have the best clients in the world and they understand. I never imagined that my career in nails would take off the way it has! The Lord has blessed us in so many ways. I am so thankful to our roommates for their help with kiddos during nail appointments. 

We are headed for big changes here. Next week I have my tubes blocked so that we cannot have anymore children. As of now I am excited about that. I'm sure there will be a little bit of sadness, we're closing a chapter in our lives but a new and fun one is starting! I have to say I will miss having babies in the house . They are so amazing. Everyday I fall more and more in love with Walker. He's perfect. He's a lot of work but worth all the effort. I'm so grateful for all that we have. Life for us has been a struggle, things have not come easy but I'm happy. 

Overdue Update

It has been entirely too long since I have posted and several people have asked me if I still keep a blog so I HAVE to update more regularly! So much has happened in our little world! Nora had her third and final surgery for her broken femur. It broke in her accident. They took the rods out that were holding the bone in place while it healed and everything went very smoothly! She is doing great. She has a little bit of a limp but with time I'm sure that will be corrected. I had the opportunity to work in a salon here in Tooele and learned a lot from that experience. I only worked there for 3 1/2 months before I needed to quit. It was a hard decision but it wasn't working for our family and the OB said I needed rest. This pregnancy has been very challenging. My body is so run down after years of consecutive pregnancies, fibromyalgia, Cushing Disease, a brain tumor and several other ailments. I feel so much peace knowing that this will be our last child. I am anxious to have my tubes tied! I am currently sitting around waiting for this baby to arrive. I have a very hard time walking. There is something wrong with my pelvis, it's either cracked or dislocated. So I sit and wait and hope that my water will break. I'm 39 weeks this Thursday and hoping they can induce me. This last weeks appointment was very discouraging. I was still dialated to a three and the baby was very high. He was at a -2 station so the doctor could not schedule an induction. I just cried. My poor doctor was so sweet. He just hugged me while I cried. I will be so relieved when this baby comes. We are very blessed to be adding this little boy to our family and I am thankful for him everyday. 

The Refiners Fire

Things have been so hard lately. We have had good and bad things happen. We are thankful for the good and push through the bad but I am getting to weak to push anymore. I graduated from nail tech school which was a huge accomplishment for me. I almost quit so many times, especially after Nora was hit by a car. I can tell you one thing, the adversary was working so hard to stop what I was doing which confirmed to me that it was the right thing to be doing. I am so grateful that I am certified and will soon be a licensed and working nail tech. I have worked so hard to perfect this talent and it has paid off considerably. I have some clients already coming to the house and with much prayer I believe that the clients I need will come or that The Lord will find the opportunity I need to support my family. So graduating was definitely one of the good things that has happened. Nora's accident has taken so much out of us. The evening that it happened is one I will never forget. Ivan came running into the house yelling that Nora had been hit by a car and at first I knew that I must have misunderstood. When he said it a second time I tore out of the house. I could not get to her fast enough. The man that had hit her was holding her and although I was upset that he had moved her I would have done the same thing so I cannot fault him for that. It was a flurry of people and then police and an ambulance and then straight to life flight and to Primary Children's hospital for emergency surgery. She had a broken femur and a cracked jaw. I was feeling so many things. Helpless that I could not make it better. Guilty because I was not outside when it happened and exhausted because of seeing my baby in that much pain. The entire time we were at the hospital I was throwing up because of the growing baby inside of me which made things all that much better. We are moving through this though and Nora is improving and thank The Lord my nausea has nearly subsided :). 

We have been really blessed with this pregnancy. In the beginning it was scary because I am RH- and my body no longer responds to the rogham injections. This means my body tries to abort each pregnancy especially if the baby is not RH-. We had a couple of scares but we recently found out that our little man is RH- and going to be just fine! I am half way through my 22 week and feeling huge! We are naming our little one Walker and I am excited to end our family with another boy. Ivan has spent 7 years as the only boy and it is high time he had a brother. So things have been extremely hard but we just keep getting up. Through wage garnishments, law suits, strokes, accidents and autism we are becoming stronger people but it is damn near impossible walking through the refiners fire.

Just Keep Swimming

Yesterday Matt and I were able to attend the temple with some friends and it was a great experience.  We hadn't been to the temple in a long time.  I didnt realize how much I needed to be there.  It helped me to understand some of the things that are happening to our family.  I'm usually very good at leaving things to The Lord and not questioning why things happen to us but I will admit that there have been some quiet moments of reflection where I have desperately wondered why things are happening.  So many people have come to us and exclaimed how strong they think we are.  I am flattered by their remarks but there is a large part of me that does not want that label. I don't feel strong a lot of the time, I feel desperate instead.  I am just desperately tired.  Nora being hit by a car has added to the desperation.  I desperately want to make things better for her.  I wish that it was me in that wheel chair instead of her.  I watch her as she sits in that tiny chair and my heart hurts.  She watches the rest of the kids playing outside and jumping on the tramp and she aches to pay with them.  Honestly it makes me angry.  I'm not angry at the people involved but I am angry that it was her.  I should have been outside with them while they were riding those bikes.  I was working and for that I am angry.  I tried to start school again but it was just too much.  I took another week off and so I start again on Tuesday.  Nora sees the plastic surgeon on Tuesday about her jaw.  I am hopeful that her jaw has begun to heal itself but we will see.

I got a call the other day from the OB to let me know that the baby I am carrying is sick.  We knew that this could happen.  The baby is anemic.  My body has begun to build up antibodies to destroy the life that I am carrying.  I see the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor next Tuesday to determine just how sick this baby is and what we can to do help it.  I didn't want to know what the baby was.  I had decided that I didn't want to know if it was a boy or a girl because I didn't want to get too attached to a baby that may or may not live.  At the temple yesterday however it hit me that I need to love this baby as much as I can now while it's growing as well as when its born.  I have faith that it will all be ok.  These doctors deal with this condition all of the time.

We met with the lawyer the other day who is helping us with Nora's accident and it looks like it's going to be a long process.  So we are dealing with a lot right now.  I am just tired and ready to throw in the towel but I will 'just keep swimming'

A Nap Is In Order

I haven't blogged in so long. I'm not sure why. I have started several posts but never finished them. I blame exhaustion. It has been one wave after another for us but by the grace of god we are still floating. Almost two weeks ago our little 6 year old Nora Lynne was hit by a car. It's been such a surreal experience. I was working doing nails at home and as my client was leaving, Ivan ran in yelling that Nora had been hit by a car. Honestly it didn't register as being real in my mind. I ran as fast as this pregnant body could carry me outside to her. Someone was holding her and a million things ran through my mind. The only thought that registered was "crap he moved her!" 

My sister was hit by a car when she was young and I remember my mom telling me that after she scooped her up off the road she thought "I shouldn't have moved her!" I couldn't blame him though because he was being so loving and tender with her and honestly I would have. She was taken by ambulance to our local hospital where she was life flighted to Primary Children's hospital. She had surgery to fix her broken femur. They placed two rods inside of her leg and found a crack in her jaw. It's all been a mess. She is home now and on the mend. I go back to school tomorrow after a two week leave and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm having the hardest time leaving her. Right now all I want is a break. I want to relax and cry. Things have been so overwhelming for 2 years or more and I'm ready for a reprieve. I think a nap is in order for this mamma.

New Adventures

So I have started school and I love it!  Some of the most amazing people are in my class and I love spending time with them.  I really believe that there was a reason I had to wait a little bit before starting school.  Without these girls and one in particular it just wouldn't be as fun.  I have made some new friends that will last a lifetime.  I am the oldest one in the class and I knew I would be but somehow I don't mind.  I have been doing really well and I am grateful for experience in school before now so that I know how to study and succeed. 
My plate is definitely full!  I home school during the day and it is a fight with these kids.  They loved it at first and we were doing very well but lately they have been quite a challenge.  I am counting down the days until it is over! 
Naomi turned 3 this last week. it's amazing how fast this year has gone.  We have learned so much this year through trials and tribulations and as hard as they have been I am thankful for them.  I am so much stronger than I used to be.  This month we celebrated Matt's first survival anniversary.  I was dreading the anniversary of his stroke and the memories it would bring but I decided that I was going to turn it around and instead of looking at it as the day my husband nearly died I would see it as the day my fighter of a husband survived.
Among all of these changes we have had some exciting news to share, we are expecting our fifth child! Barring any complications, this baby will be joining our family in early November. We are very happy. We have so much to be thankful for. We are very blessed

Crazy Busy

It has been super crazy at our house lately. There are lots of changes happening and I'm crazy busy most of the time! We started homeschooling Nora and Claire which is quite a chore but it is worth it. It is neat to see the things they are learning first hand and even learn with them! I have been very impressed with the k12 academy and we are planning on he schooling them next year as well. Soon there will be another big change for our family! I am going to start school myself! In March I am starting nail school so that I can help support our lite family. I will homeschool kids during the day and learn how to do awesome nails at night and on Saturdays. I am very excited for this opportunity. We are starting to see the Lord's will at work in our lives. There have been revelations that are unexpected but we see now that it is all for our good. I have found myself working harder than I ever have for the welfare of my family. I am striving to educate them both temporally and spiritually and it is quite a job. I am ensuring that we will have income if heaven forbid Matt can't work. I am starting to feel more confident about our future and although I am exhausted, it is a good feeling.