Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tonight is a sleepless night for me. There is so much on my mind. I have been helping a friend with a legal battle and it is so fulfilling when we put our heads together and find ways to move forward with it. I talked with her for a while tonight and I must say it was nice to get my mind off of our own problems and focus on hers for a while. She is my most awesome example of strength. Tonight I am worrying about our little family and the position we are in here in Arizona. When we started looking at the transfer here, we were happy to find that it would most likely put us in a better position financially but that has not been the case. Finances are not my favorite part of having a family. It really seems like we are re-living the same day over and over. There are miracles happening for us everyday though. Today we received unexpected money and so we are able to cover all the bills this month. I get so frustrated for my husband. I love him so much and he works so hard yet he still feels like he falls short of providing for us. I could not have asked for a better provider. Although he does not enjoy his job and is not necessarily treated well there, he still goes day in and day out. It is literally like pulling teeth to get him to stay home once and a while. He is the perfect provider, no matter what he thinks.
I know that we will be okay and I know that the blessings will continue to come as we are faithful to what the Lord has asked of us but it is a desperate feeling to wonder how they will be okay. I guess that is where my faith is lacking. I know that Heavenly Father is looking out for our little family and that we are loved. I know that as his children, he will not leave us hopeless and it is this that I must remember every time I become anxious about our situation.
I told my husband that I think the reason there are not more millionaire's in this world is because people just don't ask others for the money. So my plan is to get myself a very rich friend and then just ask for the money! I personally think my plan is brilliant. My husband laughed but you watch, it just might work.
One thing I would like to do is get good enough at my painting that I can start to sell some of my artwork. I know there is not necessarily a huge market for painters right now but I must say that some of the work I did at the University of Utah is not half bad. I went to IKEA the other day and was looking at some of the mass produced art that they had and I thought, I can paint that same thing and it would be an original. The question is, would I have any buyers. It is something I would love to do and if I could make money at the same time, wouldn't that be wonderful? Oh the dreams of amateurs. I guess I should call it a night but "Twilight" is calling to me from my itouch, must...watch!