Sunday, February 5, 2012
Today Is A Hard Day
Today is a struggle. Today is full of anxiety for me. We are staying with my best friend and her family and I am so grateful to them for letting us stay there. We are working on finding a place of our own but I must say it seems a bit hopeless. Today I feel like I am ready to be done with everything, done with the fight. I look at my kids and even though they are happier at Mandy's than they have been since we moved here, I feel a great sense of failure. Matt is working so hard to support us and I know I am where I should be with the kids but I cannot fix this and it's breaking my heart. Every trial that we faced in Arizona knocked me down and in the words of a very wise friend of mine, "I just kept getting up" but I'm not sure I can get up anymore. I'm so tired. Leaving matt's dad's house was a very hard thing. We were not kicked out but the circumstances seemed to push us out. I am trying so hard just to put it all in the Lord's hands but the ache in my heart won't stop. Every time I look at my kids my heart aches because I cannot even put a roof over their head. I do not understand what we are supposed to learn from all of this. I'm just so tired.